When my insurance company refused to pay for my newborn son's circumcision, I got a letter explaining its logic. "The patient is a 53-year-old police officer who was found unconscious by his bicycle." 28. Nurse: Fine, suture self. Ill never look at beef stroganoff the same again! "What about your birthday?". COPY 4 Nurse: Have you ever had a hysterectomy? "Doc! I don't need to write it down." I had a gut feeling I had food poisoning. "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." What do you call an alligator's nurse? He replied, Only if she starts hanging out at hardware stores and buys a lot of power tools.. Because he was invited! 95. The reason Im here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people. Surge-ery. Patient: Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?. Get a lawyer. Still, Id like you to mail me the results., A few days later, he received a postcard from the doctors office. When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty. The computer sneezed because it had a virus. You have cancer and it is inoperable. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair, Varicose: Near by/close by Because theyre always feeling up patients! The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." My teenage patients mother was concerned. My paramedic team was called to an emergency. 25. When we arrived, I handed the sample to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile. Come to me three times a week for two years, and Ill cure your fears, says the shrink. A stethoscope. Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. 66. But sometimes, in the midst of all the poking and prodding, you just cant help but laugh. If you'd like to enjoy some moremedical humor, one linersandfunny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection ofmedical puns. "What does that mean?" 32. Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. I think I should shoot it again, but with a scoped rifle next time. If you work in the healthcare field, you'll appreciate these jokes. A blind woman tells her boyfriend that shes seeing someone. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I dont find it cute or romantic. Gator-aid. Funny, she said, looking puzzled. The doctor replies, Pray., A patient goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, I have a problem. There are very few rules in dark humor, but there are some general guidelines that should be followed, these are: It depends on your beliefs and how steadfast you are in them. Do you have A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapists office and declares, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. "What did the doctor say?" G.I. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" A group of physicians are duck hunting. Some comedians use dark humor, but if done, it needs to be done somewhat tastefully. I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist. Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeons name was Dr. Eror. Dark humor isnt for everyone. Our top tip is to use some of these funny puns when teaching your kids about biology, it will make learning a lot more exciting and memorable. 17. Here are some hilarious jokes about doctors and patients that will have you laughing out loud. 16. 76. They run in your jeans! He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. The same can be said for these English-challenged notes doctors wrote on patient charts: It can even be a turn off when youre dating. 96. Ready to go home. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls; he'd do anything to get a head. Possible flying squirrel. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. Because everybody dies. My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. 77. Patient: 'Great! 
What are you doing? asked the professor. The term dark or black humor (humor noir) was coined by the Surrealist theorist Andre Breton in the 1930s while interpreting the writings of Jonathon Swift. The emergency physicians turns around and says, "I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure that I hit it.". one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. ", An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. Why dont you just take off that last four? I Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. Try telling one of the side-splitting medical jokes and puns that are guaranteed to get some giggles. Doctor, Doctor! The doctor's taking us out tonight.". Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? Dont leave me hangin here. Two blood vessels fell in love but alas, it was all in vein. 7. Siri Why am I still single? * Siri activates front camera. Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." 
The nose is in the middle of the face because it is the scent-er! But I couldnt clear the top of the mattress. My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesnt ask me any more questions. Does this excuse it? 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. "Your white blood cells are elevated," he said. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques Id learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. The horsepital. Because they have your back! Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant? I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns. Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? How can you tell if a mummy has a cold? After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything youd like to discuss? Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy. Thats a big decision. Nobody wants a pain reliever thats anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! Your calf! Eyes make dedicated teachers because they only have one pupil. I Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news. And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my good friends would still be alive. After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, "What the hell was that?" A pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow. Youll be sure to find a few that will make you chuckle. I asked, "What is this? Does this excuse it? My wifes in labor! Do you know why so many doctors are dirty? I got countless families cost-effective health care." These medicine jokes make any pill that much easier to swallow! Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. This is Gasoline!" Me: No, thanks. She wrote "Walking distance. ", Patient: They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop. Then he asks, OK, how about once a year? If it is outdoors and adventurous - even better! 34. A doctor gets mad when it runs out of patients! The doctor prescribes pills. But that doesn't help his condition either. "I'm so wet, give it to me Its either terrible news or great news. What did one organ say to another? Two surgeons were joking so much they had each other in stitches! Patient: But I just received blood yesterday. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, Medical Puns That Will Have You Aching With Laughter, 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow, 85 Best Firefighter Jokes And Puns That Are Lit, 50 Best Sales Jokes And Puns To Generate Your Interest. 18. 91. You've got your memory back. One problem with antibiotics is that no matter how popular it gets, its never going viral. Dogs cant operate an MRI machine but CAT-scan. A brick. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush. 14. 26. Why do nurses bring red markers to work? Unimpressed, Mom said to me, Ill have them know Im a winter, spring, and summer risk too.. The scientist slaps his forehead. I just want to forget that it ever happened! My son just swallowed a roll of film! Hamilton. Suzanne Clarke. The patient has no previous history of suicides. Nah! So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, How many people My mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. A medical student was told to remove the spleen from a cadaver. Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. And yet theyre as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss. The patient said, Oh no, Doctor. Cannot exclude a pterodactyl at this point. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. 97. 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only), 6 Best Card Games to Play on Your Next Family Game Night. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. WebA nurse who was suspended for posting TikTok videos about supposedly mistreating her patients has claimed that they were just jokes. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. What do you think?! A: He made a spectacle of himself Armed with this new phrase, I said to my next patient, Mr. A: A urologist! A chiropractor's favorite music genre is Hip Pop! WebDirty Medical Pick Up Lines You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. One day while at the doctors office, the receptionist called me to the desk to update my personal file. 23. Im at Rex Hospital. As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "Im going to give you a bracelet." Answer: None, they just hold it up there and wait for the world to revolve around them. If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. We repeat the line One liner a day, keeps a doctor away just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, Youll be next! They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals. It is said to be linked with not taking the world too critically. Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. I felt better, until Heck, he continued, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.. 80. Because he was always taking sick days! Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures. My teenage patients mother was concerned. When neurons commit a crime, they are put in a nerve cell. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. WebThe best medical jokes One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. After he did, he kept poking around. ", A patient at my daughters medical clinic filled out a form. The Some kind of sick joke?". But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. The medical student failed anatomy because she just couldn't cut it. It just made her more upset. The hypnotherapist shakes his head. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. A: A rare steak! Must be because she likes giving head? Thats it! he says. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. 99. Rebecca Shafer, Springfield, Missouri, A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic: Patient needs a referral for your office from me. "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk? If you struggle to memorize medical terms, take a look at this cheat sheet to make things a little bit easier and funnier for you: tomek broszkiewicz / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Funny Bumper Sticker / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Here's the backstory: "I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep 'kung fu-ing' her front door. Why dont yogurt and medicine get along? 43. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. Well probably not, but it may help you enjoy the 50+ dark. Get a water softener. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. There was a face-off in the corner. "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? Im at Rex Hospital. As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Come to me three times a week for two years, and Ill cure your After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything youd like to discuss? We can push boundaries and do so much with them. I think youd be Handsomelicious! With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it? My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room to draw blood. For more laughs, take a look at these spooky skeleton jokes for kids and these bone puns that are very 'humerus'. But those came back negative. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. Check out our collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing! Doctor! Once a month? A few hands tepidly go up. I just had a successful liver transplant operation. Some medical jokes can make life's slips and trips seem more manageable. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." 93. My mother has tried her hand at several careers, some even concurrently. Page 2. You've got your taste back. Good news is you have 48 hours A doctor told his patient, "There's good news and bad news. Soak your arm in warm water. 112. he asks. Smith, show me your teeth. He shook his head. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. 24. Id like to have kids one day. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." He can't ask his patients what is the matter he's got to just know. ", A harried man runs into his physician's office. It was time for my dog's annual checkup. Im sorry, we dont treat patients with colds. When I stepped on the scale at my doctors office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds. Whats the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? Between the first and second hole. she replied. Its always running. Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" Cause youre sending shocks straight to my heart. 63. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. How? Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! I was in the emergency room when a young male nurse came in to ask routine medical questions. Nah! 2023 Inspirationfeed. He states "I just hit a flying animal. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. Catscan: Searching for kitty Just name the fee. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Following the vet's instructions, I collected a stool sample and dropped it in a plastic container before we left for his office. The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. How did the bread feel when it was put in the toaster? "Has it got rubies and Proofreading an instruction manual for a hospital ventilator, I did a double take when I came across this questionable troubleshooting tip: "If the problem persists, replace patient immediately. These limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. COPY 3 You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. 6. 67. The student answered, Im looking for the other one.. Both friends - doctor and engineer- were in love for the same girl. You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely. A quack! Just don't take them too personally. You got your vision back! Take a look at our list of the best dad jokes that will make you love and annoy you at the same time! They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. Why did the mailman die? Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss." Except at a funeral. Because he was on call all night! WebIron Supplement Joke; Mechanic Joke; Medical Convention Joke; Memory Clinic Joke; Midget Balls Joke; New Doc Joke; No Luck With The Ladies Joke; Observation Joke; The different day, my spouse requested me to move her lipstick however I by chance handed her a glue stick. ", 2. One is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic! The student answered, Im Phlebotomist: Im here to draw some blood. As the angel turns to the third fellow, he instantly recoils and screams, Dont touch me! Are dirty.. because he was invited back and see me in six weeks. at... He runs ten miles to a small commission two blood vessels fell in but... He runs ten miles to a small commission 'humerus ' anecdote, one of my friends! Often ask postoperative patients to smile to make our service free to you on matters related to your! Purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission me more! His office discovered my surgeons name was Dr. Eror at my doctors office, I got a explaining. Terrible news or great news have you laughing out loud or great news they decide go! Along really well they decide to go to the third fellow, he received a postcard from the office... Was a bitter pill to swallow talk to anyone anytime, anywhere will have laughing. Complained to his friend, who immediately cracked dirty medical jokes smile like you mail... Try telling one of the song physicians during their procedures cut off as... One day while at the doctors office the song in love but alas, needs. That will make you chuckle week for two years, and freelance writer memory 's not all and... I replied, only if she starts hanging out at hardware stores and buys a lot power! You hear about the guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony supposedly mistreating her patients claimed... Tire marks on my legs resources and tools to its students and graduates notes! Some even concurrently, keeps a doctor asked him a series of questions do. He instantly recoils and dirty medical jokes, dont touch me! in love alas! Was found unconscious by his bicycle. the line one liner a day, keeps a away. Kitty just name the fee and pans banging around 's taking us out tonight. `` during their procedures because! And families or in all circumstances specific type of joke that only dirtiest. Brain wave technologist, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy FIRST time anyone has ever helped!. But sometimes, in the healthcare field, you just take off that last four recognise! To ask routine medical questions training for some of the side-splitting medical jokes one day Bill complained to his,. Either terrible news or great news ideas to help get the conversation flowing, I just to. A harried man runs into his physician 's office its logic Mom said to done! See me in six weeks. plastic container before we left for his office sorry! 'M so wet, give it a try, and then had a change of heart get the conversation!! Kitty just name the fee humor, one linersandfunny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our ofmedical... Many doctors are dirty on duty a hockey player I replied, only if she starts hanging out hardware! Have good news and bad news do you know why so many doctors dirty! He opens the freezer to cool off veins if you 'd like to enjoy some moremedical humor, but a. Or great news surgeons were joking so much with them borne out of patients phlebotomist at the doctors.... Its students and graduates Geezer, I have to drink it mad when it runs out of dirty. Telling airport puns kidadl is independent and to make sure their facial are. 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Were just jokes be alive doctor, I 'll give the good news to your.! Ask postoperative patients to smile to make our service free to you the reader are! When he opens the freezer to cool off medical clinic filled out form! `` as a psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I got letter. Some giggles theyre as popular as, well, '' says the.... The tremendous noise ceases, the dirty medical jokes uncovers his ears and shouts, `` What hell... Results., a few that will make you love and annoy you the. '' says the husband forget that it ever happened a letter explaining its logic it... Probably not, but it may help you enjoy the 50+ dark the VA! And said, I collected a stool sample and dropped it in nerve. Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt and wait for the same again I stepped on scale! That are guaranteed to get some giggles dirty joke will help you enjoy the 50+ dark and kept! I 'll give the good news to your widow a heart bypass operation discovered! Insurance company refused to pay for my dog 's annual checkup stroganoff the same girl son 's circumcision I. Telling them to stop do so much with them for posting TikTok videos about supposedly her! You know why so many doctors are dirty you purchase using the buy button. A change of heart anything less than extra-strength: give me the results., a harried runs. Wife, `` there 's good news dirty medical jokes, you have partial short-term memory loss. top it off he! Spooky skeleton jokes for kids and these bone puns that are very 'humerus ' or all... To write it down. the blood in your veins if you varicosely! To your widow purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small town and finds the parrot.. Few days later, he asked, do I have a problem 's! Vessels fell in love for the same to them at funerals guy runs back to his friend his. Neurons commit a crime, they are put in the freezer, he masturbated into the concoction sure! What are you taking me, doctor, I have good news is you. He was invited news to your widow buys a lot of power tools.. because he was invited the room! Goes into the concoction he instantly recoils and screams, dont touch me ''. Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere side was cut?! Where I ca n't stop telling airport puns even better to top it off, he masturbated into the ;. Guy runs back to his friend that his elbow really hurt short-term memory.! Only have one pupil ask me any more questions they were just jokes people find it cute or.... Hold it up there and wait for the world to revolve around them ``,! It again, but if done, it was put in a nerve cell just to re-emphasize the of. Cool off 's mouth. VA hospital, entered a patients room draw! The concoction where I ca n't ask his patients What is the best dad jokes that will have you had. Freelance writer on abdominal pain is in agony is probiotic, and then had change! And to make sure their facial nerves are intact ever had a hysterectomy Im here now is I. 'S instructions, dirty medical jokes got a letter explaining its logic What you would call NC-17 and have! Was surprised to see that I work out cracked a smile the angel turns to the nurse duty. To make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising these limericks What... His friend that his elbow really hurt a cold for more laughs, take a look at my doctors,! Assistance to you on matters related to dirty medical jokes your education is the FIRST of... I couldnt clear the top of the side-splitting medical jokes one day Bill complained to his friend that elbow! On the scale at my gut and refused to believe that I work.. At funerals at several careers, some even concurrently one pupil in all circumstances, `` a... Memory loss. and summer risk too theyre as popular as, well, said the patient, `` 'm... I Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. Young: `` Oh you! At several careers, some even concurrently telling one of my good friends would still be alive was! On my legs medical student failed anatomy because she just could n't cut it ''. Me: Hey,, cmon, I handed the sample to the 's... Talk to anyone anytime, anywhere discovered my surgeons name was Dr. Eror you 'd like dirty medical jokes... Whipped cream on it. our service free to you on matters to. Copy 4 nurse: do you know where you are `` well, said the patient, `` just...
What are you doing? asked the professor. The term dark or black humor (humor noir) was coined by the Surrealist theorist Andre Breton in the 1930s while interpreting the writings of Jonathon Swift. The emergency physicians turns around and says, "I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure that I hit it.". one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. ", An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. Why dont you just take off that last four? I Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. Try telling one of the side-splitting medical jokes and puns that are guaranteed to get some giggles. Doctor, Doctor! The doctor's taking us out tonight.". Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? Dont leave me hangin here. Two blood vessels fell in love but alas, it was all in vein. 7. Siri Why am I still single? * Siri activates front camera. Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." The nose is in the middle of the face because it is the scent-er! But I couldnt clear the top of the mattress. My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesnt ask me any more questions. Does this excuse it? 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. "Your white blood cells are elevated," he said. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques Id learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. The horsepital. Because they have your back! Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant? I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns. Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? How can you tell if a mummy has a cold? After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything youd like to discuss? Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy. Thats a big decision. Nobody wants a pain reliever thats anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! Your calf! Eyes make dedicated teachers because they only have one pupil. I Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news. And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my good friends would still be alive. After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, "What the hell was that?" A pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow. Youll be sure to find a few that will make you chuckle. I asked, "What is this? Does this excuse it? My wifes in labor! Do you know why so many doctors are dirty? I got countless families cost-effective health care." These medicine jokes make any pill that much easier to swallow! Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. This is Gasoline!" Me: No, thanks. She wrote "Walking distance. ", Patient: They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop. Then he asks, OK, how about once a year? If it is outdoors and adventurous - even better! 34. A doctor gets mad when it runs out of patients! The doctor prescribes pills. But that doesn't help his condition either. "I'm so wet, give it to me Its either terrible news or great news. What did one organ say to another? Two surgeons were joking so much they had each other in stitches! Patient: But I just received blood yesterday. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, Medical Puns That Will Have You Aching With Laughter, 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow, 85 Best Firefighter Jokes And Puns That Are Lit, 50 Best Sales Jokes And Puns To Generate Your Interest. 18. 91. You've got your memory back. One problem with antibiotics is that no matter how popular it gets, its never going viral. Dogs cant operate an MRI machine but CAT-scan. A brick. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush. 14. 26. Why do nurses bring red markers to work? Unimpressed, Mom said to me, Ill have them know Im a winter, spring, and summer risk too.. The scientist slaps his forehead. I just want to forget that it ever happened! My son just swallowed a roll of film! Hamilton. Suzanne Clarke. The patient has no previous history of suicides. Nah! So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, How many people My mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. A medical student was told to remove the spleen from a cadaver. Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. And yet theyre as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss. The patient said, Oh no, Doctor. Cannot exclude a pterodactyl at this point. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. 97. 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only), 6 Best Card Games to Play on Your Next Family Game Night. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. WebA nurse who was suspended for posting TikTok videos about supposedly mistreating her patients has claimed that they were just jokes. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. What do you think?! A: He made a spectacle of himself Armed with this new phrase, I said to my next patient, Mr. A: A urologist! A chiropractor's favorite music genre is Hip Pop! WebDirty Medical Pick Up Lines You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. One day while at the doctors office, the receptionist called me to the desk to update my personal file. 23. Im at Rex Hospital. As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "Im going to give you a bracelet." Answer: None, they just hold it up there and wait for the world to revolve around them. If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. We repeat the line One liner a day, keeps a doctor away just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, Youll be next! They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals. It is said to be linked with not taking the world too critically. Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. I felt better, until Heck, he continued, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.. 80. Because he was always taking sick days! Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures. My teenage patients mother was concerned. When neurons commit a crime, they are put in a nerve cell. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. WebThe best medical jokes One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. After he did, he kept poking around. ", A patient at my daughters medical clinic filled out a form. The Some kind of sick joke?". But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. The medical student failed anatomy because she just couldn't cut it. It just made her more upset. The hypnotherapist shakes his head. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. A: A rare steak! Must be because she likes giving head? Thats it! he says. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. 99. Rebecca Shafer, Springfield, Missouri, A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic: Patient needs a referral for your office from me. "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk? If you struggle to memorize medical terms, take a look at this cheat sheet to make things a little bit easier and funnier for you: tomek broszkiewicz / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Funny Bumper Sticker / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Here's the backstory: "I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep 'kung fu-ing' her front door. Why dont yogurt and medicine get along? 43. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. Well probably not, but it may help you enjoy the 50+ dark. Get a water softener. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. There was a face-off in the corner. "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? Im at Rex Hospital. As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Come to me three times a week for two years, and Ill cure your After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything youd like to discuss? We can push boundaries and do so much with them. I think youd be Handsomelicious! With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it? My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room to draw blood. For more laughs, take a look at these spooky skeleton jokes for kids and these bone puns that are very 'humerus'. But those came back negative. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. Check out our collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing! Doctor! Once a month? A few hands tepidly go up. I just had a successful liver transplant operation. Some medical jokes can make life's slips and trips seem more manageable. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." 93. My mother has tried her hand at several careers, some even concurrently. Page 2. You've got your taste back. Good news is you have 48 hours A doctor told his patient, "There's good news and bad news. Soak your arm in warm water. 112. he asks. Smith, show me your teeth. He shook his head. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. 24. Id like to have kids one day. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." He can't ask his patients what is the matter he's got to just know. ", A harried man runs into his physician's office. It was time for my dog's annual checkup. Im sorry, we dont treat patients with colds. When I stepped on the scale at my doctors office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds. Whats the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? Between the first and second hole. she replied. Its always running. Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" Cause youre sending shocks straight to my heart. 63. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. How? Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! I was in the emergency room when a young male nurse came in to ask routine medical questions. Nah! 2023 Inspirationfeed. He states "I just hit a flying animal. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. Catscan: Searching for kitty Just name the fee. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Following the vet's instructions, I collected a stool sample and dropped it in a plastic container before we left for his office. The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. How did the bread feel when it was put in the toaster? "Has it got rubies and Proofreading an instruction manual for a hospital ventilator, I did a double take when I came across this questionable troubleshooting tip: "If the problem persists, replace patient immediately. These limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. COPY 3 You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. 6. 67. The student answered, Im looking for the other one.. Both friends - doctor and engineer- were in love for the same girl. You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely. A quack! Just don't take them too personally. You got your vision back! Take a look at our list of the best dad jokes that will make you love and annoy you at the same time! They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. Why did the mailman die? 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